My life has changed a bit.... I graduated from college, I broke up with my boyfriend and I moved back home. I made a decision to leave my relationship because I realized that it had become unhealthy. I was being asked to change things about myself, including my weight in order to make him happy, rather than to fulfill my own personal goal. So, I have moved back home. I have applied for graduate school at WT, and I am waiting to hear back from a really great job opportunity for the next years as well. My future is bright, I have so much going for me. But it is really hard to stay focused on that when I am so overwhelmed with missing John. I know that I made the right decision for myself... but it is like I'm losing my best friend of two years. Someone who I have trusted myself to completely and I have been completely uninhibited with. I love him, but I don't think that he loves me the way he should. So I had to say goodbye. I deserve love for who I am... not who I could be, or who anyone wants me to be.
I am still focused on my weight loss goal. Although there have been some bumps in the road mostly stemming from depression, I am headed in the direction I want to go. I am not unhappy with myself now, but I want to be proud of myself. To feel and look healthy. I wonder if after I reach my goal if I can focus on real things from then on? I hope so... Weight is so minuscule in the grand scheme of things.
I have also opened my heart up to God again. I feel like this is going to be the most positive change I have made for myself this month. I am open to where ever it is I am supposed to be. And right now.... I believe that I am exactly where I should be. *sigh* my heart aches.... but I am trying my best to be strong and to do what I know I should.
