Tuesday, June 30, 2009

New Me

My life has changed a bit.... I graduated from college, I broke up with my boyfriend and I moved back home. I made a decision to leave my relationship because I realized that it had become unhealthy. I was being asked to change things about myself, including my weight in order to make him happy, rather than to fulfill my own personal goal. So, I have moved back home. I have applied for graduate school at WT, and I am waiting to hear back from a really great job opportunity for the next years as well. My future is bright, I have so much going for me. But it is really hard to stay focused on that when I am so overwhelmed with missing John. I know that I made the right decision for myself... but it is like I'm losing my best friend of two years. Someone who I have trusted myself to completely and I have been completely uninhibited with. I love him, but I don't think that he loves me the way he should. So I had to say goodbye. I deserve love for who I am... not who I could be, or who anyone wants me to be.

I am still focused on my weight loss goal. Although there have been some bumps in the road mostly stemming from depression, I am headed in the direction I want to go. I am not unhappy with myself now, but I want to be proud of myself. To feel and look healthy. I wonder if after I reach my goal if I can focus on real things from then on? I hope so... Weight is so minuscule in the grand scheme of things.

I have also opened my heart up to God again. I feel like this is going to be the most positive change I have made for myself this month. I am open to where ever it is I am supposed to be. And right now.... I believe that I am exactly where I should be. *sigh* my heart aches.... but I am trying my best to be strong and to do what I know I should.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Some Progress...

Soooooo I'm down to 160... which is the lowest I have been in oh, I don't know... YEARS I'm really excited about it, but I'm even more excited to see even more results. I have been really watching my carb intake... my diet has completely changed. I have the occasional slip-up... (still not as bad as anything I had been doing before) but I have mostly managed to live off of... eggs, spinache, cheese, corn tortillas, grilled chicken salads, peanuts... and fresh fruits and veggies... and other non carby things (minus the peanuts) Anyways, I'm excited.. I can see the results, and so can my friends and family. Woot. Go me!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Stepping up...

New update... I've been doing weights for upper and lower body everyday along with cardio and really watching what I eat.... However, I am still not seeing the amount of results that I want to. So, I was talking with my roommate and she said she has lost ten pound this semester by cutting out the majority of her carb intake. I have considered this and I am aware that I do have a rather large carbohydrate intake... with cereal, bread, and wheat thins and cereal bars.... All of these are whole wheat and low in calories... but I do think they are weighing me down, literally. So, starting tomorrow I am cutting out carbs. I think this will be a positive change for me and I hope to see some serious results! Wish me luck!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

In gear

I've been working out everyday again. And I have written down a few reminders to keep myself on track. Only eat lean means... chicken, turkey, fish. Never ever eat anything fried. Only eat whole wheat bread and pasta products. No! cream sauces. No alcohol. Exercise everyday. Try not to snack.. chew gum instead. And in general, focus on my goal... not what I am feeling right now. I think that I let immediate gratification outweigh long term gratification influence my choices too often. I need to quit that and focus on my goal.

I've been working really really hard on class assignments. I have soooo much to do. Also, I am looking for a job, career, graduate program... something that will be a good choice for me. Currently, I have no clue what I am going to do! It's scary. Any advice on this is more than welcome. I'm lost :(

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Burnt out... Plus Spring break

So, the week before spring break my work load at school seemed to multiply. I was swamped and I didn't have time to work out. Then came spring break. And I started eating really bad and again, didn't have much time to work out. So I did really bad... definitely not on a diet. So today I'm starting back up again. I went for a walk/run that was 3.2 miles. And then I had cheerios. I'm about to shower and get ready for classes... And I have homework that will keep me busy allllll day! I am having a really hard time balancing my school work.. which is causing me to be exhausted, and my willpower to eat healthy and work out. I wish I had a workout partner to keep me on track. Anyways, I applied at Gold's Gym in Amarillo a couple of days ago. I'm hoping to get a job there when I move back to Canyon in May. I did a great Body Pump workout at Westside Tennis Club in Houston over spring break and I loved it. Hopefully I get the job at Gold's Gym and I will be able to participate in their workout classes. I would love that! Otherwise, I will have to get a job that I make enough money I can pay for a gym membership! Either way I wanna do it. It's just hard to think of getting a gym membership while I'm in Austin because I will only be here for 45 more days... And I don't have money to start paying for that right now. Blah. I wish it was free! lol... yeah right! Alright, well it's time to get ready for my busy busy day. Someone... HELP ME STAY MOTIVATED :D K thanks

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

"Make the decision, then do something - no matter how small - toward accomplishing what you want."

I like this quote a lot... "Make the decision, then do something - no matter how small - toward accomplishing what you want." ... No matter how small. I really feel like it is kind of liberating. The small things count. You don't always have to do cardio for 2 hours. I don't have to think of what I'm eating all the time. Just consciously make small choices throughout the day to bring me further towards accomplishing what I want. Excellent. I had a completely awful day. My hormones are going wild. I got in fights with John... and we are now on a break. I have come to realize that I am sabotaging my life. I have no self confidence, and I am afraid of failure. All of these combined equals a not healthy lifestyle. I am in desperate need of a out look on life make over. It's time for me to take control of myself, of my actions, of my attitude. Honestly, I'm about to graduate from college. I am about to start being an adult. I have to start acting like it. The hardest thing for me is believing in myself. I just have to put my big girl panties on and deal with it! Wish me luck :)

Monday, February 23, 2009

I'm pretty much... Amazing :D

So today was my rest day from my diet and exercise program... However, I still managed to workout at the gym for an hour and do the 2 short videos on the National Body Challenge. Also I worked reallllly hard on my school work today and managed to finish my 15 page paper in one day! Woot. I am incredibly proud of myself today. I'm gaining confidence. That is soooo amazing. I'm excited about life, I'm excited about what I can do. I can't wait to see what happens next! I will be back on track with diet and exercise tomorrow for sure. I kinda over did the calories today, but it's ok because I have been doing so well lately. I can have a day off! Anyways. My family is coming to see me this weekend. I cannot wait! I haven't seen them since early January, and that is far too long. I've never felt more proud of myself in terms of school work. I am getting things done and making excellent progress. Also, my weight is steadily declining... For the first time ever it seems. I am actually seeing results. OMG :D I'm so excited. Hard work is definitely paying off :) Ok I'm off to sleep now good night world!